Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Christmas Eve dinner in the Chen household was done in true Asian fashion as we set up the table for a hot pot! There were two types of beef, two types of mushrooms, shrimp, lettuce, watercress, dumplings, meatballs, and noodles all dipped into a boiling pot of broth to be cooked to one's own preference. And each person made their own dipping sauce - mine was soy sauce, sesame oil, peanut butter and scallions. Delicious! Now I'm so full, sitting on the couch curled up in a warm blanket with my computer on my lap, watching National Treasure for the millionth time with the family. We know how to do Christmas Eve right.

Come On Eileen

Just chilling back at home after going to a pretty standard, non exciting Asian Christmas Party. It was the typical loud parents yelling and laughing in the living room, making plans for the next Asian Invasion summer trip to somewhere exotic and fun while the "kids" sat in the family room mostly bored out of their minds, chomping away at the plethora of food surrounding them. We paroosed YouTube, played cards, watched random TV shows, put up with parents' inquiries as to our studies and future plans, crowded around the one laptop someone smartly brought along, drank some (very) lightly alcoholic punch, and generally chit-chatted. Typical, boring, but filling. And thus begins the three day Asian Christmas Party delight. Somehow, Asians decided that Christmas is really about having large parties where it is much more fun for the parents than the kids and standard Chinese fare is served, but in festive snowman platters so it's holiday friendly. Sigh. In other news, I think I actually did fairly well this semester grades wise, so thank you Brandeis for that great Christmas present as grades are posted Christmas Eve.

How Far We've Come

It's an odd feeling to go from having everything to do to having absolutely nothing to do. Now that finals are finally over (thank god), I'm back at home lazing around, waking up as the sun goes down and having a plethora of TV shows, movies, and real TV to look forward too. Not to mention the yummy home cooked food and the amazing fluffiness of my own bed. It's a bit disoriented as I have no idea what to do anymore - the past few days have been so structured around my study schedule: get up at a certain time, study, maybe eat lunch, or if I'm behind just grab a snack on the way to the SCC and study for 6 more hours, then take a break for dinner, then studying until I can't function anymore. Now, I just have so much free time in front of me I hardly know what to do.

And the semester is actually over! Three semesters down, five to go. I'm almost halfway through my college career and everything is going entirely too fast. This past semester especially, I still remember...
- spending way too much awkward time on Wellington
- party hopping and walking up and down South Street
- bumping into old friends who became new friends
- finding the unexpected
- waking up on couches
- bootfacing it everywhere
- almost skinny dipping in the reservoir
- failed bonfires
- procrastinating suite charades
- playing Rock Band instead of going to the gym
- endless waiting for the BranVan
- avoiding douche #1, douche #2, and boring douche
- losing IDs all over the place
- watching the stars by the water and laughing on the playground,
- taking the pumpkin
- the unhealthiest days of my life as I struggled to write a midterm
- going on an adventure in the woods
- how I can't do bird calls for my life
- stalking pictures of sleeping people
- elaborate plans to hide from certain people
- PACHANGA (mostly...)
- ripping down posters all over the place
- teaching Snow White how to walk in heels
- practically living in Einstein's and off of Einstein's coffee
- the feeling of the ground being pulled from under me
- the way that Ziv looks like Legos
- late night studying insanity

And so much more! I've absolutely loved this semester, through the good and the bad times, the fun times and the not so fun times, the freebie weeks and the hell weeks, the late night partying and the late night studying, the laughing and the crying, the warm fall days and the frigid winter nights. My life was filled with so many good times with some of the best people. Now, I just get to reflect as I sit at home with my dog, watching an episode of the Sing Off (these people are crazy good!). I'm so glad to have this break from school, but I really can't wait for next semester!

In the meantime, to do over break:
- start/finish applications for research positions over the summer
- finish Mad Men season 2 (and maybe 3)
- learn how to play the saxophone again (it's been two years! major sadface)
- do something meaningful with DNA at the Weidaas lab
- figure out my schedule for next year
- SHOP!
- make sure Calcifer makes it to spring semester
- general shenanigans around Madtown

Rules & Regulations

Mer. Oh the tired, stressed, finals induced insanity I have acquired. My productivity is at an all time low, when I really need to focus and study the shit out of everything so I can tip those borderline grades in my favor. I haven't blogged in a while, and that's mostly due to the large amount of studying (or rather the large amount of procrastinating) I've done over the past couple of days. I thought I would have PLENTY of time to study for my exams as I've had an entire week since classes ended, but looking back, I've squandered most of my precious study days. Realizing that, I've been staying up until 5 am trying to cram in all the missed studying, causing me to wake up at 1 in the afternoon the following day, thus shortening my day and causing the cycle to repeat. I've lost the ability to think of anything witty, interesting, or of that nature to write about. All I can think about is the amount of work I have to do and the fact that there is still a surprising amount of people in the library at 5 am. My stress level has gotten to the point where almost everyone is annoying the hell out of me, but I remain calm in other aspects of life. Odd.

Accomplished:
- 4 chapters of biology reading = 11 hours
- 8 pages of bullshit for biomedical ethics final = 7.5 hours

Incomplete:
- making bio flash cards
- reviewing all of the biology notes from the semester
- actually understanding 5 chapters of physics
- making an orgo review sheet
- taking orgo practice exams and reviewing

At least I have the Great Caesar online concert to look forward to tomorrow night...rather tonight.

California Dreaming

My day in a nutshell:

12 hours of sleep. Bones. Grey's Anatomy. Top Gear. Figuring out what color Cinderella's dress was and then finding the appropriate crayon. Getting chased by the po'. Dinner. The Hangover. Our one shot over a nice conversation. Where are our waffle fries?! Hello drunk people. Nice scarf. Awkwardly listening to stories. Miserable walk back. Rant. Doubt. Blog. Sleep.

Lump Sum

There's something oddly exhilarating, relaxing, and refreshing about standing on the roof of a building in the middle of a chilly night. It's like the world is at your feet - in one direction there's the uniform lights of lower campus; in another, the lights of the science complex, and in yet another, the faint skyline of Boston in the distance. It reminded me of sitting up on a dome in Boston during the summer on a similar night. In the cool summer night air, from way up high, the world seemed a little bit perfect. Everything becomes little dots of light, seemingly scattered in a haphazard chaos. But in reality, everything is exactly where it's supposed to be. A sense of calm washes over me, and I can just breathe. There's just something about about being on a roof that makes me smile uncontrollably.

Teenage Dream

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving!

Despite the huge biology report looming over my head, I've actually been able to thoroughly enjoy this holiday. And the two days left make me optimistic I can actually finish my report. Or at least most of it. Luckily, I crammed hardcore the week before and got most of the stuff done for next week, minus my physics lab exam which I have actually completely forgotten about until right now. Oops...anyways, here are some highlights:

- split, peel, peel, peel, BANANA! mad intense bananagrams
- beer pong with tiny solo cups filled with water which somehow got parental approval
- excluding people for have dated an asian, or never dated someone jewish
- chilling at Starbucks, refueling on coffee at 10pm
- mini dance parties in the back seat
- pookiepewptypie - I don't think I'll actually ever get over that
- catching up with old friends the old fashion way - sitting in a car late at night at a random place in Madison
- comparing black out stories
- pumpkin pie, pecan pie, cheese cake, apple pie
- actually good turkey and ham at an asian party - props
- Calcifer surviving his water change
- trying to start a dead car in the cold
- online Black Friday shopping - yay boots!
- lots of noodles and rice
- watching TV shows (namely House, Top Gear and Mad Men) to make my biology writing a little more interesting
- (semi) late night Skype sessions
- sleeping until 1pm on a regular basis

Fallin' For You

Now that the adrenaline that was propelling me through that shit show of an orgo lab exam is wearing off, biomedical ethics has become less interesting that usual. To the point where I'm about to pass out in the middle of this libertarian debate. But it's the end of the week! Thanksgiving! Hooray! I'm almost done, just one late night class to go and I will be home free, literally. I actually can't wait until I go home, I haven't been home is uch a long time, especially with spending the entire summer away from home. I can't wait to see my dog, eat good food, sleep for hours on end, share stories with my friends at the diner, and.....ugh, write my monster of a biology lab report, study for two lab exams, and all the associated assignments for the next week. Really? There goes my vacation. It's not actually going to stop me from savoring every moment. I can't wait until this class ends :)

DJ Got Us Falling In Love

Honestly I don't even know what just happened. My fingers are freezing to the point where typing feels weird and the rate of words has seriously decreased. We tried doing another bonfire and surprise, it didn't work again despite the amount of kindling and newspaper that we found. All I know is that there are people who don't remember the majority of the night, people who are throwing up all over the place, people who are just too fucking drunk, and people who are just too goddamn cold. It's been a really weird night and I'm ready to just sleep it all off. I got lost in the woods, found tree branches by the light of my cell, texted my friend via someone else's phone, walked an insane amount in the cold, tried to warm up a dumb boy who gave his shirt to someone else, tiredly trudged home barely aware of where my feet were, got really surprised by stairs, lost my ability to literally think and recall, and got drunkenly pissed off at people who decided that weed was more important. I don't even know what to think about tonight, it's just been so odd. And people in my suite are still excitedly yelling things and shit. Really, just go to bed,  I need to pass out and forget this ever happened.

Ixtapa

I don't understand how the Biology department hired so many clearly unintelligent faculty members, at least when it comes to teaching. Maybe they're research is amazing or something. In any case, I have a biology professor who cruises through unhelpful powerpoint slides of pictures in the book at lightning speed, only pausing to add the occasional "yeah?" like we're actually understanding what she's saying to give out pop "bonus quizzes" that are actually part of our grade now and are difficult enough that even if you did go to class, you still won't get both questions right. So instead of rewarding the students who come to class, she's really just hurting everyone's grades. And insists that there be recitation on Wednesday when there's no classes and virtually everyone is home. Really? She sped through her lecture today, ending with an extra 20 minutes of class left. WAY TO BUDGET YOUR TIME PROPERLY. And she actually seemed really surprised when she was done too, like oh wow, I'm done? Such an ineffective teacher.

Then there's the bio lab professor who expects us to write a comprehensive lab report on labs 2 through 11. The labs basically go through creating a mutation, generating protein, purifying it and analyzing it to see what the mutation did, if anything. The thing is, lab 11 is the analysis of the aggregation of the protein, basically the entire point of all previous experiments. And the lab report is due before we do lab 11. So....what am I supposed to conclude? That my mutation MIGHT have worked but I don't have any idea whatsoever since we haven't analyzed it?? What kind of planning is that? No really, what am I supposed to be writing about? WAY TO BUDGET YOUR TIME PROPERLY. Honestly. Yet another reason why I hate biology. I might have to reconsider my double major.

The Sparrow and the Medicine

So tired my eyes hurt.

Leftover coffee from my late night/early morning 4:30am studying stint: ineffective. 
The insane pace that my biology professor lectured today to fit in a quiz: irritating.
My attention span at the mo': abysmal.
.....

The amount of studying I have done for my orgo exam: minimal to say the least.
The amount of studying I have yet to do for my orgo exam: an intimidating quantity.

Chinese herbal medicine and Odwalla Strawberry C Monster in an attempt to ward off impending sickness: successful.
The percentage of my thoughts that's consumed with food: terrifying.
Stress level: surprisingly low, though will be expected to exponentially grow with each hour the orgo exam draws closer 

Listening to The Tallest Man on Earth: comforting.
My pet fish: Calcifer.

Horchata

I got a fish. He's a complete spazz and desperately wants to escape, as evidenced by his constant swimming against the tank walls. He's cute in that creepy fish way, and although I have no clue of the actual gender of my fish, it's a he. All fishes are male to me. He has a cute little blue themed tank with multicolored pebbles and a light blue lid, but he doesn't seem to like it. Sadface. He clearly has an avoidant personality as he is terrified of humans and will instantly swim towards the other side of the tank when you place your hand next to the tank. Any loud noises, and you can literally see him jump in the water and run around for a bit. I have a crazy fish. Hopefully he won't give himself a heart attack or injure himself from his unending attack against the tank walls. And one day, he'll have a name. Eventually.

Drops of Jupiter

I'm actually quite enjoying this week. It's a relatively easy week for me, with no exams - a freebie week. But, I'm not spending every night trying to do something I wouldn't normally be able to do, and I'm not trying to pack in as much "fun" as I can into every night. Instead, I've just been going with the flow, doing some work here and there, doing some procrastination here and there, and having the occasional fun activity. And really, I'm enjoying myself much more that I thought I would. Mostly, I'm just not completely, totally and constantly stressed out like I am every other week, and I'm able to do the work at my own pace. Just chillin'. Plus, I really had no expectations for this freebie week. I feel like my last freebie week (my first one) had a lot of expectations bearing it down because I expected to just do crazy stuff and have a good time and not do any work at all, and there was that weight to every night. Now everything's just light and fluffy. I wish every week was like this. But I have a tough weekend/week ahead of me, though my weekend plans don't quite reflect that. There still is a part of me that wants to make the most of this week, this free time, and this general all around good feeling. But I'm learning to just let things go and to take things as they come. It's like that famous philosophical saying - "I think, therefore I am." I think, contemplate and stress out about what I think, say and do. Then, devise a plan and execute. I think I can, I think I can....

Fidelity

The most frustrating problems are those that you know exist, but have absolutely no way of solving them. Most notably, the way my brain is wired. There are things that happen, and I know they happen because of the way I see a certain thing, and the only problem with the situation is purely how I look at it. And I see that it's my perspective that's just fucking shit up, but I have absolutely no power to change it. Because that's the way I think, and have been thinking for my entire life. I can rant about it all I want to my friends, ponder it endlessly night after night, and write about every thought that crosses my mind but in reality none of that will change anything. I recognize what is wrong, but I don't know how to fix it. And it frustrates the hell out of me. How can you just completely change the way you think, or what you care about, or what affects you? It's as much an integral part of me as the black hair on my head or my hatred for chocolate milk. I'm headed down a path of no return with no way out. Am I just destined to be stuck in this pattern forever? It's always the same. I suppose history repeats itself, right?

Up & Down I Go

Why oh why...

....is studying for biology taking so damn long?

....has it suddenly got so cold? Hello November.
....did I ever decide to take three simultaneous science classes with the associated labs?
....is academic orgo lab so stressful yet such a joke? Hate hate hate.
....can't I just study in my own goddamn room?
....has sleeping at 3 am become the norm? Going to bed at 4:30am last night didn't even seem so extreme.
....have I lost my ability to concentrate?

....has everything in my mind just gone to shit lately?

....couldn't there be a single Jewish holiday in October or November? I need a break.
....have I become so distant from my suite? Well, more like when?
....have I been studying for three days straight with barely any breaks with another two days to go?
....was Thursday bio lab next semester already full? I don't want Tuesday lab.
....have I never before discovered the wonders of office hours?
....do I get paranoid about things I don't think I should be, but then become paranoid as to whether I should be or not?
....does everything little thing have such an effect on me?

....does my mind become completely consumed and attached every time? There are priorities, Em. Please get them straight.

....is it only Tuesday?
....?

Secrets

Hello Halloween.

Friday

Major outfit revamp. It's going to be an intense night out. No costumes tonight, just skirts and heels. Experimentation with peppermint and chocolate syrup. Squirt, shot, squirt. Stressing. Waiting.

"Are you one of those pretty girls who hates on herself? Because they're so annoying"

Pointless party searching that resulted in awkward parties and entirely too much walking in heels. But there was still smiling, laughing, dancing and the occasional kissing. Mental state: buzzed.

Back to a familiar place with unfamiliar people. The smell of whiskey/bourbon makes me want to vomit. Another drink down the hatch. Retreat. Ride the wave. Then he passes out. Draw back. Draw. Unibrow? Avoid attack. Markers. Cups. Water. Limeade. Retaliation. Wet suite. Mental state: giddy from exhaustion.

Girl talk with a guy. The set up. Walk back. Gum adventures lead to cold feet. Not figuratively, literally. Some water, some gum, a tousle of the hair and he's sent on his merry way. Now, sleep. 4:50 am - hello? so sorry. lets talk later. Waking up results in nausea, restlessness. Eventually, sleep. 11:20 am - hello? so sorry. urgh please, lets talk later. Can't fall back asleep. Out to the common room to make a phone call. Sketchy tour group waves at the suitemates and I through the common room windows. Please, no. Call. Talk. Whatever. Reassurance.


Saturday

Stress. Too much work, not enough time. Breakfast with the suitemates. Food, decent to urgh. Halloween plans - really? Thanks a fucking lot. Corkscrew - obtained. Wine bottle - opened. Off to the library where I have to simultaneously entertain, study, explain, and vent. No halloween costume. No task complete. No motivation.

"Fuck this shit show of a day" 

Hell to all of this. Last minute costume set up. Escapee. Creative. Original. Rush off with nothing but a Nature Valley bar sitting in my stomach. Watch it. Drinks made, aiming down a sight lesson taught, light bulb hit, costumes prepared, and we're off. Here we go. First, Village mojitos. Cozy setting and a warm reception to Dave and Dave. Then, to the real party. Awkward entrance. Lots of standing around casually, then awkwardly. Mental state: lightly buzzed to sober. No good.

As more people file in, Dave and Dave get exponentially excited and cannot wait to show off. Never stop dancing. Dave sandwich. Pictures. Beer. Beer pong. Lots of laughing, kind of a lot of having fun. Ridiculous. Goodbye, Ziv. Dancing around campus. Renfield dorm storm. What posters? Rosie dorm storm makes for an awkward morning with the suitemates. Bumping into people on the trek back. Dancing around everyone and everything that passed by. Failed poster rip. Blood. Really, let's head home.

Get out of your costume, now. Shirt, soaked. Pants, soaked. Water, now. Halloweiner. Nerf gun wars. Lost dart. Ah well. They smoke. I don't. Interesting conversation out in the common room. Grumpy bf.

"It's very much an enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded in mystery"

Amazingly good mozzarella sticks before calling it a night. Snuggle, sleep. Wake up. No really, wake up. Food prepared by a cutie. Falling asleep. Back to the room, pass out. Time to study. Upset stomach, tired body and tired mind, shit load of work. Fuck. Happy Halloween.

Finally Moving

Sometimes I hate the English language. One prime example is the lack of words to describe one's emotions for another person if it's at the point where saying "I really like you" is lame and doesn't convey enough, but it hasn't reached the pivotal "I love you" stage. Because "I love you" really carries a lot of weight with it, a lot of connotations and expectations that have over time become associated with those three little words. It's a scary prospect. And "like" is just too mild and tame. It's like saying, I like mac and cheese. Liking someone can span anywhere from "oh, he/she is okay, I like him/her" to "I think I may really like him/her" to "I really like you." But that's not where I'm at. I'm stuck in language limbo trying to find words or a phrase that captures how I feel - in that in between. I'm way past liking, but not yet loving. Honestly, love scares me. I'm not ready to say that just yet. But "I really like you?" C'mon. The best thing I could think of is "I'm falling in love with you" but it still has that scary love connotation. And, me being one of the most awkward people ever when it comes to talking about emotions, it's difficult to find the right situation and time, and even if there was a perfect moment, everything inside me would seize up and I'd just keep my mouth shut. So thanks a bunch, English language, for making me more awkward than I already am.

Seven Wicked Reels

I've completely lost the ability to focus on my physics lab. Or anything for that matter, as I just completely spaced out, and then tried to see if Einstein's was giving out free bagels because there are a shit load of people walking around with bagels and the smell is making me hungry. This week is supposed to be freebie week, and I really don't have as much work as usual, but I still have 2 labs and a lot of reading to do which I really do not want to do at this time of night, but I want to do them even less during the week. This is supposed to be my free week where I can just relax and not worry about work. I've worked my ass off today to try to make that happen. I took the weekend off, doing basically no work whatsoever, a well deserved break, though I was planning on doing work on Sunday, but certain events made that impossible. I think I did get some chunk of work done, but it wasn't nearly enough. I've spent a total of an hour in my suite today since 9am. All today has been is literally class, library, class, SSC to study, class, dinner, Einstein's to do work. Until now. And it really frustrates me that I've essentially only crossed one thing off my to do list. With the amount of time that I've dedicated to work today, I should be fucking finished. I hate lab reports. I am not leaving this building until I get what I want done. It won't be as much as I would have liked, but hopefully it will set me up for a light work load the rest of the week. Too much work.

The Forecast

It's surprising how quickly coffee cools. Small coffee from Einstein's obtained at 8:30pm. Small coffee from Einstein's is ice cold at 10:30pm. I guess two hours is a little too much to ask for a little paper cup of coffee to stay nice and warm. But it's cold here and I wish I had some yummy hot coffee to warm me up! Tonight is hell night, the night I have to finish a take-home midterm for tomorrow as well as study for an inevitably ridiculous biology lab exam in the morning. After a week full of intense late nights full of studying for two other exams, last minute orgo labs, and trying to get ahead of the large pile of work that is threatening to drown me so I can properly enjoy freebie week, I am exhausted! My brain is exhausted, my body is exhausted, everything is just. so. damn. tired. Work and studying are two things I physically cannot do at the moment. And it really isn't the best time for that. Exam. Essay. Complications. Death. But I must persevere. Fight through the pain. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? Though I don't doubt that this monster of a physics book sitting next to me could do some serious damage. I'm a nut in a rut. Doing scut. Under a hut. Sitting on my butt. Got a paper cut. Ouch. Okay, I'm stopping.

Looking at my to do lists week after week has finally hit the concept of taking 3 science classes with the associated labs home in my head. The amount of work I have each week is daunting, and I can never get ahead. If anything, I'm always scrambling at the last minute to get things done. Sometimes it's because I decide to procrastinate instead of work, but other times it's simply because I have so much work. Everyone has always looked at me as if I'm insane when I tell them what classes I'm taking, but I've always shrugged it off and claim it really isn't that bad. Because for the longest time, I thought it wasn't. It was just work, and in the beginning of the year I could be on top of things with just a few choice late nights in the library. But now in October, the holiday-less month, things are really hitting me. I've worked my ass off for these exams this week, as well as to get ahead with work so I can genuinely enjoy my exam-less week without worrying about work, and still I feel like I'm behind. I'm in desperate need of a break. I cannot wait for 1:30pm tomorrow to come around. 1:30 is freedom from this sick cycle of nonstop, ridiculous, annoying, stressful, work work work!

Bottoms Up

Waking up completely stressed out is one of the worst feelings in the world. I was suddenly jerked awake into a world where everything was already wrong the second I looked at my phone and it told me it was 12:20pm. Fuck. I had slept through every single one of my morning classes, including a class I haven't been to in a week (sleeping through my alarm is becoming common, it seems), a class I have no idea what the professor is rapidly spouting in her German accent as she circles random things with the mouse on her slides, and a class wholly dedicated to reviewing for an extremely important and difficult exam the next day. On top of that, I was in desperate need of a shower, had an appointment across campus at 2pm, and needed to do some last minute cramming for an exam in the afternoon. Everything was just so overwhelming and I was so angry at myself for yet again sleeping through my classes (I didn't even go to bed THAT late...only 3:30am). Stressed out panicking soon ensued. I banged my way around the suite, slamming the microwave shut and generally running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I didn't even look at my suitemates and snapped at my boyfriend. Needless to say it was not a good morning. The thing is, the only person/thing I was mad at, and had a right to be, was myself. I really cannot keep doing this. To prevent this from happening again, I've taken some precautions, namely going to bed at a slightly more decent time, setting both a phone alarm and actually using my alarm clock, and giving my roommate permission to push me out of bed if I don't wake up unless specifically told not to do so. We'll see how things go.

Straightjacket Feeling

The Unhealthiest 48 Hours of My Life:

Friday 2:00pm: veggie burger patty, rice, salmon and a salad (I really did try to be healthy this weekend...)

Friday 11:30pm: two rounds of fried dough with cinnamon and powdered sugar, two Jolly Ranchers, and a shit load of m&m's and reese's pieces

Saturday 2:00am: root beer float, waffle fries and a cinnamon bun

Saturday 3:00pm - 9:00pm: one small vanilla hazelnut coffee from Einstein's, a Jolly Rancher, a mint, and a toffee

Saturday 11:45pm: small oven roasted turkey and cheddar on italian herb, a bag of chips, small root beer

Sunday 1:30 pm: crab rangoon, scallion pancakes (SO MANY SCALLION PANCAKES), dumplings, chicken wings

Racing Lights

Notes to self:

1. Never go down a spiral slide with two people
2. On really clear days, you can see the exhaust tails from all four engines of an airplane - it's actually quite beautiful
3. Flat tiring someone is something you just have to do yourself
4. Anna's Taqueria is mindblowingly good
5. I'm dating a dog junkie
6. Your organs actually sit on top of each other - weird.
7. Carl and Ruth like art too
8. I believe in fate now more than ever
9. Smiles have sounds
10. Stop thinking about the past, it's fucking shit up
11. Please be more verbal, thanks
12. I've unexpectedly found something wonderful
13. In a perfect world, I would never stop kissing you
14. Stop daydreaming. Focus.

Tightrope

It seems as though as the night wears on, the library gets progressively louder. It's an interesting phenomenon. Is it because there are more late night studiers coming in to get some work done? Do people just stop caring at this time and say "fuck it"? Are the people who come to the library at this time of night just insane? I'm really not sure. It's just a terrible environment for my half working brain to be in to get some work done - i.e. this physics lab that I have been constantly putting off. I'm tempted to move on to some other work, so I can actually be productive, but then I know I will just push this lab off to another day, and I can't afford to do that. Then again, I can't afford to sit here blogging away my annoyance at these loud library people. I'd rather not blow out my ear drums trying to drown then out with my study music. I would just kindly appreciate it if they all just shut up. It's a goddamn library. Thanks.

Parliament Funkadelic

Currently sitting in the SCC with sleep in my eyes staring at the person sitting across from me at the computer bay, trying to figure out how old she is. It's really a little sketchy. She's an Asian diligently working (doesn't even notice me creepily staring at her) with glasses and she looks old. Which is odd. Because stereotypically, most Asian women look younger than their years. My mother tells me I could pass as a 16 year-old. I do not doubt that I will be carded when I turn 21. So if she looks old, then how old is she really? Really old? But she's here in the SCC working....she must be a college or graduate student. Confusion. Really a very good distraction from the physics lab I have been half working on for the past three hours. Overuse of the word "really."Mostly because I'm really happy :)

The day started out with the entire suite sleeping through physics class (quite literally, none of us made it out of bed), followed by boring classes, a quick nap and Sun Chips for lunch before orgo lab which was basically torturous. I think my entire bay has agreed that we despise our TA. She really doesn't do anything, does not offer any help, moves very slowly, and then criticizes how slowly we work and kick us out of lab at 5:30, whether you have finished your lab or not. Which really irks me. Because consistently, our entire bay has been getting out later than the rest of the lab. Literally the entire bay. It cannot be that they grouped 10 slow working people in one lab, yet she insists that it is our fault that we stay later than the other bays. Um no honey, I think it would be you and your late, uninformative, ineffective prelab talks and inability to properly prepare us for the lab at hand.

Then I decided to take a nap at 7:00 for a half hour. Probably one of the worst decisions of my life. When I woke up, I was probably the saddest, most depressed person on campus. For some reason, I just felt absolutely terrible and then proceeded to cry my eyes out for a good 10 minutes at my desk. It was so confusing and frustrated because I had absolutely no idea why I felt the way I did. Crying for a reason is okay. Crying without a reason is not. I eventually pulled myself together and headed to the SCC where all the happy people would cheer me up and I wouldn't be able to cry in front of all of them. After grabbing a hot chai (so good!) I met up with S and saw D for a bit, which cheered me up a bit. And now after a good talk, I'm feeling better than ever. It's odd how quickly one's emotions can change. I've experienced the highest of highs, and lowest of lows today in the course of a couple of hours.

The Only Exception

Highlights of the week:

- Ok Go concert
- flat tiring
- Ballerinas
- skype fun
- hiding in the suite
- snow white and the 7 dwarfs
- hip hop
- beast cookie
- castle roof
- the hills
- dance party
- late night photoshop fun
- GET SOME

Jesus, Etc.

"Death by Jumping Spider"

I don't know about you, but I think that would be one of the worst ways to go. I had just settled at my desk after doing a mini cool down work out on my floor (and got four bug bites in the procees! I really need to fix my vacuum because this floor is in serious need of cleaning). I opened my computer to check my email and do a bit of procrastination before studying for my physics exam, and noticed something crawling up my desk. One of the weirdest, scariest, craziest looking bugs of my life. It seemed like it was crawling backwards and had entire too many legs to be a fly or a spider. Turns out some of those legs were like little mouth flappy things. EW. It was a small spider, but a scary ass spider. I pointed it out to the roomie, who promptly told me it was a jumping spider, and right on cue, it jumped down a little ways on the shelf. I freaked the fuck out. Now, I'm usually okay with bugs as long as they're not really close to me/on me. Creepy crawlies scare the crap out of me, but if its a good distance away, with no chance it'll crawl on me, I can stay calm and execute a plan of action. A jumping spider is a completely different story. We immediately started yelling for one of my suitemates who is not squeamish about killing bugs like the roomie and I are, and after a couple of terrifying hops, the spider was no more. May you rest in peace, but thank god you're dead.

The Blonde Leading the Blind

Twenty weekend revelations:

1. I love the smell of bonfires
2. Doing all my work during the week actually paid off
3. I'm the odd one out
4. Strawberry jello is far superior to lime
5. It's always the littlest ones that'll surprise you
6. Only half my hair curls after being in braids
7. This sinking feeling is getting worse
8. I love lab on the weekends
9. I don't realize how dirty my glasses are until I'm constantly looking over them because I can see better
10. I need to be more social
11. Brandeis is beautiful
12. Taking that chance scares me half to death
13. I run solely on Einstein's coffee in the mornings
14. Eggs are my go-to hangover food
15. I think I'm getting sick
16. There are things from my past that make me scared for the future
17. Hunger trumps sleep
18. Plain Chobani with blueberries and granola is heavenly
19. Awkward awkward awkward
20. I know my Crayola crayons damn well

Haven't Met You Yet

Urgh, I feel like a drugged up hamster stuck in a tiny cage with no running wheel to get all this pent up energy out. Except instead of being a drugged up hamster, I'm a stressed out chemistry student with a weekend's worth of work to do in two what should be fun filled days since there are no classes. And instead of being in a tiny cage, I'm stuck in some library or another slaving away at some lab or another while people are watching movies, getting drunk, or just hanging out without a care in the world. Fuck them. So, instead of using this hour before my Just Social meeting, which is unofficially canceled since it's just a party of two again, I'm on Facebook chatting, talking in the SCC, louging around doing nothing. It's my sort of mini rebellion. The amount of work that I have really frustrates me. I've already spent 12 hours this week in the library and have 15 hours in the library tentatively blocked in my schedule for the rest of the week. Which brings the grand total 27 hours in the library this week. And I have a day off. That does not look, sound, or hear right. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. The only thing I have to look forward to is a hopefully homework free weekend. BUT instead of doing fun things, I'll be at a two day activist training camp during the day, with nothing to do at night. Isn't that just fucking peachy.

Lions!

After mending some consequences of my stupidity, completing my orgo exam, watching two episodes of Top Gear and downing some Odwalla Strawberry C Monster, I am in an incredibly good mood. It's almost inexplicable, except that I did just explain it...I haven't been in such a good mood in a while. I'm basking in doing no work tonight, a reward for living through this weekend and surviving my very first organic chemistry exam. But tomorrow, it's back to work! I have the rest of the week planned out, with specific tasks to complete each day. As long as I keep to my schedule, I'll be ahead of the game for next week, which I will sorely need. The amount of schoolwork has already stressed me out quite a bit, and the worst is yet to come.

I'm proud of myself for balancing everything on my plate so far. I made a good bit of progress done at the lab, running a colorful column for my postdoc, concentrating the suspected products and then bringing the samples down to NMR. Not bad for 3 hours of work. However, I have switched my hours at the lab from Saturday to Sunday, thereby making my Sundays full of lab and archery. There goes my homework day! I think I can do it though, I need to stop putting off my extracurriculars to do study - I can do both! Or so I hope. In any case, I'm excited for what's to come. My posts have been rather dull of late, as my life has been consumed by schoolwork and stress, but hopefully I'll find some time to write something interesting. :)

This House Is A Circus

10 things you should know about me:

1. I'm terribly indecisive
2. I'm a really slow eater
3. I love dressing to the nines
4. There are somethings I'm incredibly OCD about
5. I'm allergic to tree nuts
6. I hate chocolate milk
7. I'm really bad at putting my thoughts into words
8. I analyze, re-analyze, and then over analyze everything
9. I have an unexplainable girl crush on LIGHTS
10. I can be incredibly awkward

Girl Who Broke in Two

Sitting in the SCC studying on a Saturday night. It's cold. I'm tired. I'm pissed the fuck off because my vacuum is down for the count. I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I want coffee. Einsten's is closed. I have an exam in three days. It was a good day. Not a good night. Bad mood. Goodbye.

The Mirror-Blue Night

Sitting on the bed munching on cheddar bunnies (they're like goldfish, but better) chatting with the roomie being ridiculously happy. After a super stressful week full of late nights and freak outs, I can't think of a better way to start off the weekend! Good Thai food, good Boston movie and good company :) And tomorrow is Dessert Showcase - basically I get to be a fat ass and eat a ton of free baked goodies. Now it's bedtime, maybe I'll actually get the recommended 8 hours of sleep!!

Train Under Water

The last 48 hours of my life:

5 hours of fun in Boston with some old friends. 6 hours of unusual partying. 6 hours of "sleep." 3 hours of actual sleep. 1 hour of debriefing over pancakes. 2 hours of procrastination. 3 hours of actually doing work. 1 hour of looking at food. 3 hours of half doing work. 1 hour of guiltily actually doing work. 3 hours of sleep. 1 hour of angrily cursing the rising sun. 2 hours of work. 3 hours of class. 2 hours of sleep. 1 hour of class. 2 hours of socializing and eating. Now, hopefully 5 hours of uninterrupted work. Like that will ever actually happen.


Fun things I have to look forward to this week:

9 hours of organic, biology and physics lab
9 hours of work back in the chem lab
0 hours of group meeting
3 hours of being yelled at by an angry judgmental philosophy professor
1.5 hours of what should be relaxing but is actually stressful yoga

Pitter-Pat

My life has been fairly uneventful as of late. I was recently reunited with my wallet after having forgotten it at home, which was a big plus. The stacks and stacks of reading and labs I have to do are not. The amount of homework that I have to do is so intimidating that I mostly just push it all away and watch a couple of episodes of Bones. It's difficult to figure out where I should start., so instead of trying to figure it out, I don't. No, but in all seriousness, I do have a schedule set up - if I will follow it is yet to be seen. My drive to work always seems to be canceled out by my need to nap. I almost fell asleep in every single class today. Now after lunch, I have hours and hours of free time I should be devoting to being hunched over all things science in the library, but instead I'm writing an uninteresting blog post and eyeing my oh so comfy bed. In my procrastination, the roomie and I found this:

Moral of the story? A chemistry degree gets you absolutely no where, and anesthesiology is definitely the way to go. 

I Melt With You

Reasons I HATE summer:

- MOSQUITOES. (I literally have 16 bug bites on my legs and I wore jeans. MY LEGS ITCH LIKE NO OTHER)
- people who think it's suddenly okay to wear bikinis 24/7
- the disgusting humidity that makes you sweat just standing outside and glisten all day
- the unbearable heat
- shorts
- my lack of the ability to tan
- the large amount of people who suddenly decide they like the beach

Sick Cycle Carousel

Imagine one of those big, grey trash cans, half filled with used tissues, rotten food, condom boxes, feminine products and food containers. Can you imagine that sickly trash smell? The brown banana peels, white to-go containers, dirty paper towels and who the fuck knows what else. The roomie and I just spent the past hour sifting through the trash located outside of our dorm, receiving curious looks by sketchy boys as we searched for her missing retainer. One little pink retainer in a sea of pure revolting, vile, disgusting, nauseating, foul and just plain nasty rubbish. Despite our efforts, multiple pairs of latex gloves, copious amounts of Glade air freshener, and use of numerous trash cans, we could not find it. The roomie was a real trooper throughout the entire ordeal, literally looking through each paper towel and even turning the trash out onto the pavement for a thorough examination. I'm the squeamish type and lacked gloves, so I mostly was there for moral support and was on Glade duty. The suite was already swept various times; every possible place was explored and re-examined. Sadly, we end the night with little success. The retainer still evades us, but I'm confident that we will find it sooner or later. Tomorrow is a new day! But for now, fuck you retainer.

Ready? OK.

So, it turns out I have a lot more work than I thought. A couple of prelabs and questionable readings turned into large, confusing and time consuming projects. Thus, for the past hour I have been reading about euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide. Not how I pictured spending my sunny Saturday. How is it that I've had only two days of classes, and I'm behind on the work already? Gah, what a great start to the year. The three straight nights of partying add to that start. In other news, as I was procrastinating and contemplating the nutritional value of honeydew, I discovered a website that has the nutritional facts for virtually every food out there, fast food included. So I paroozed that a bit, and was able to enter in everything I ate today to see what my intake of certain vitamins and such was. And of course, I had way too much sat fat and sodium, and not enough of basically all the vitamins except for C. It's a pretty awesome website, and a very good way of keeping track what I'm putting in my body. In any case, I have got to stop procrastinating and return to my reading before I go out with B tonight. Work work work, then party!

The Way I Feel

To whom it may concern:

You occupied my thoughts for a good month, dominating every daydream and fantasy. I think I really did like you, but now I'm done. It's obvious that you don't really give a damn about me, so I don't have to give a damn about you. There is so much more I could say, but it's really not worth it anymore. That's all I have to say. I'm just letting you know that I'm done with you, and I'm letting you go.

Much love,
Emily

It's Raining Men

Well...not raining men per say, but it's certainly raining something. What a dreary day to return to 'Deis. It's an odd feeling to be thrusted back into the throes of college life. After unpacking for what seemed like forever, there was finally a feeling of settlement. My suitemates and I did ridiculous, typical college things until 2am, after which I was completely exhausted and slept until 11am. So much for the pancake breakfast. Now I have a list of errands to run in the pouring rain, none of which I'm looking forward to. I'm pretty apprehensive about my schedule for the semester, because it is a beast in every sense of the word. I don't know if I'll make it to the end alive. Plus, I want to do all of these other extracurriculars on top of it all, along with socializing with friends and the occasional party. I don't know how I'm going to juggle it all! This is going to be a short post, as the rain is making me lethargic and I don't have much else to say.

Sweet Banana

You know how relationship experts say love in a relationship progresses from wild passionate love to a more relaxed compassionate love? I feel like I just experienced that with my favorite band of all time, Great Caesar. Some may not know them because they're in the local scene, but the majority of them went to my high school and I think I can safely say that I consider some of them to be my friends. Their music is amazing and they're cute to boot. When I first discovered them, it was immediate, intense infatuation. I HAD to go to every show, buy every shirt and CD, make presents for the band members every Christmas, and learn every lyric to every song. I idolized each and every one of them, and every encounter and memory was carefully documented. But as time went on, my love for them changed. It didn't fade, exactly, but transformed into a different type of appreciation. I am no longer the fan girl who obsesses constantly and takes about a million pictures each show, shoving my way up to the very front. Instead, I'm more excited to see the guys again and listen to the lovely music they produce.

This phenomenon of compassionate love vs. passionate love was best exemplified by my little brother's girlfriend, M. Her crazed love obsession with the band and with the guys reminds me a lot of myself when I was her age in her position. At the end of their set, the guitar player threw a guitar pick into the crowd, landing right next to my feet. I bent down to pick it up, and handed it over to M. She was super excited and as giddy as a schoolgirl, while I gave it little regard. Passionate love me would have clung onto that pick for dear life, maybe giving it its own little box in my large box of memories. But compassionate love me recognizes the pick for what it is, and gives it to someone who would appreciate it. I still love the band wholeheartedly, it's just a different kind of love now. I was their #1 fan, and maybe I still am because of our history (four years of history!), but I pass that title onto M, who embodies true #1 fan qualities.

Lisztomania

Today has a weight to it... 


...because it is my last day of work for the summer. But honestly, I'm rejoicing. The lab was completely new and awe-inspiring in the beginning of summer, and I was eager to learn every single last detail I could. But now I find myself in a position where I know the routine and actual lab work is sparse, making my days long and dull. I'll still be working here during the school year, so nothing is really ending except for my paychecks (working in a lab during the school year is "considered part of my education"). 


...because it is my last Massachusetts summer day. I'm heading home in a mere 5 hours, and even though there are technically still five more days of summer until school officially starts, it feels like the end. There have been some pretty great highs, and some pretty shitty lows the past three months. This summer exposed me to an entire new world I'm not quite ready to give up. The thought of schoolwork makes me shiver.


...because of my lack of sleep these past two days, making me a bit loopy and overemotional. I need coffee, stat.


...because I woke up to an empty house. There was no one except movers hauling furniture into the newly occupied apartment downstairs. It's an odd feeling to be the only one in the house when there are four of us sharing the space. My room is also depressingly bare and empty, all of my belongings neatly packed away in the corner, prepped and ready for the move. 


...because I think that my friend is mad at me and I don't know why. Never a good feeling.


Everything comes to an end. So it goes.


"Those were vile people in both those cities, as is well known. The world was better off without them. And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes." - Vonnegut

A Dustland Fairytale

Boredom has taken over my life. Things that I have accomplished with my boredom:

- watched seasons 2 and 3 of Bones
- watched season 1 of Archer
- baked a brown sugar berry cobbler
- organized the shit out of the lab
- learned how to play Captain Falcon on Super Smash Bros 64
- scouted out the sketchiest place to eat lunch in the SCC
- attempted to learn how to play the guitar
- made my own capo
- played every mini game on Mario Party 3
- even attempted Tony Hawk Pro Skater (it didn't go so well)
- began packing for home
- watched videos of kid prodigies on YouTube
- completed all of the interesting quizzes on Sporcle
- read the majority of articles on Digg
- installed ChemBioDraw on my computer
- put all my classes into my calendar for the school year
- called my mother multiple times
- did all of my laundry, including towels, sheets and rug

All pretty much in the span of the last 3 days. SAVE ME.

Mouth Erratic

My weekend in 100 words or less:

walking. biking. busing. canoeing. automatic ketchup dispenser. inside, outside, inside outside - playing with a 3 year old. waking up too early. cream cheese-ing my bagel. sleeping. lack of sleep. storytelling at Boloco. I can't tell stories. attached. whore doubts. party invitation planning. learning at Urban Outfitters. shopping. eating. finding the elusive Steve's. exhaustion. hacking. dome crawling. meeting new faces. making new faces familiar faces. bonding with a Canadian. fretting with B. frustrating breech of trust. awkward meetings. standing on the street corner. not under a red light. so goddamn attached. Facebook stalking. drinking copious amounts. of water. confusion. contemplation.

Kryptonite

Today is the kind of day where I let nothing stand in my way. The recipe that I found for dinner - Chinese Lemon Chicken was no exception. Yes, so I may have almost burned down the house from decimating the frying oil and yes, I almost cooked my chicken in the microwave at a last ditch attempt to defrost it, and yes, I mistakenly drowned my Basmati brown rice in copious amounts of water, but in the end I had a super scrumptious dinner! Let's go through the highlights. The recipe calls for deep-frying the chicken cubes in corn oil. Since I had barely any corn oil left, I used canola oil and put the stove on high. Bad idea. After a couple of minutes heating the oil I decided to do a test piece, dredging the cube in some cornstarch before plopping in the pot. The chicken came out a nice crusty golden brown, so I plopped four more pieces into the pot and waited. Unfortunately, the oil kept getting hotter and hotter so soon I was burning the bejeezus off my poor unsuspecting chicken cubes. Smoke filling the kitchen quickly followed. I quickly opened every single window and fanned the smoke away from the....smoke detector? Oh wait, there wasn't one. Such a safe house, right? So then I said, well fuck it, and proceeded to stir fry my cubes of joy, making a nice pan sauce from the leftover oil. And it came out amazing. Granted the sauce is a bit funky, but I'm not complaining. So to every unwanted thought, difficult pain in the ass chemical reaction, sketchy unseen lunchmate, and early morning roof bangers today I say, fuck you. Not in a mean, go to hell kind of way, but in a hah you are not going to get the best of this girl, kind of way.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

There is something ominous about an empty lab in the morning. The low hum of the hoods accompanied by the still air is paradoxical. The sound of doors opening and closing can be heard, but no one is to be seen. What's even worse is that I'm stuck here in this unsettling place eating my breakfast so goddamn early in the morning because there are contractors working on the apartment. I even had to bring my tooth brush and everything since they are redoing the bathroom, just my luck. But if you have ever experienced the feeling of being the only one in a dark lab, I'm warning you there are worse things. Like living on the top floor of an apartment while workers bang on the roof literally directly over your head. Nothing like the unlocatable sounds of hammers to make a person paranoid. At one point, I was certain there was someone walking around in my room and I had to force my eyes open to check. Luckily for me, the contractors were late so instead of starting the work at 6:30, they started at 8:00. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if they came that early - usually I'm a pretty deep sleeper so I thought I would be able to sleep through it, but it's literally like they are banging on your head. Not a fan. Well, I'm off to go brush my teeth and what not and start my day - it feels like I'm living at the lab.

Maybe

Oh how sucky my life is. I'm currently sitting at work with stuff to do, but really just not doing it. In my defense, it's not completely because of my lack of motivation. There are questions that I need to ask my postdoc, but she's not here. I could go track her down, but that requires too much work and I'm sitting here feeling shittastic, so I think I'll just revel in my self pity for just a while longer.

The ex and I had another long drawn out conversation last night that made me want to go drown myself in a sea of alcohol. The conversation involved bringing up old memories and old arguments. I don't even remember what we were originally talking about but one thing lead to another and lo and behold, I'm bawling my eyes out. Whoopdeedoo. Because of this whole debacle and other things that happened this past weekend, I've begun to question my character. Hence the self-pity. I just read a book recently that has a good quote about situations like this:

"The unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up, because that means he has to stop dwelling on himself and start paying attention to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence. When you're unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. You get to take yourself oh so very seriously."

Whenever I'm feeling especially down, I like to treat myself to a self-indulgence day where I just mope around the house, eat junk food and watch bad TV. Maybe blog about all the woes in my life. But I make sure that I confine it to just that day, and the next day I have to stop thinking about all the oh so terrible things in my life and go on with my life. That way, I can get all of the depressed thoughts out of my head and just move on. Throughout this summer I've learned a lot about letting things go and moving on. And now hopefully, I can do just that.

Strawberry Fields Forever

Today was quite a lazy Sunday. Woke up late, ate some leftover Thai food, and zoned out to some Super Smash Bros. 64. The highlight was definitely making some awesome strawberry oatmeal scones. I found the recipe online, and besides substituting buttermilk with skim milk (not a nutritional choice, just a budgetary one) spilling more than "just a pinch" of salt into the mixing bowl, and using some questionable flour found in the cabinet, the process went rather smoothly. I cut the butter into the dry ingredients (an intense arm workout, let me tell you) and added the eggs, milk and strawberries to make a sticky, sweet biscuit smelling dough that I shaped into a disc and cut into wedges. My beautiful creations made their way onto parchment paper lined cookie sheets and into a blazing hot oven where they puffed up to perfection. The recipe suggests letting them cool for 10 minutes before serving, but obviously I couldn't wait that long and snagged one off the sheet for a taste. They're not half bad. They're light and tender on the inside, though to me they tasted like biscuits with bits of strawberry in it. Too much salt. Sigh. But I do have to say, between baking these scones and my recent cookie baking bonanza (100+ cookies, 3 different types, 4 hours of baking) my baking skills have improved! Next on the list - blueberry and marscapone turnovers!

Frank

Urgh, so my mother called me at work today and we gossiped about the Bachelorette and So You Think You Can Dance. It's honestly the majority of what we talk about these days. And of couse we talked about Ali's final decision - Roberto! I'm really happy that Ali found love on the show, it was suspenful to the very end and I really want sure if she would find someone. But I couldn't help bit wonder what would hve happened if Frank went to go see Nicole and decided that he didn't love her and stayed on the show. I don't know what they are like in real life, so I'm not one to judge but I kind of hate Nicole for Frank leaving. I thought he and Ali had so much chemistry and they were really cute together, minus Frank's growing jealousy halfway through the season. And I think that he was a good guy for what he did. There were some unresolved feelings and he didn't want to commit to Ali before he sorted everything out an I think that's really brave and admiral. My mother on the other hand likened him to Justin - mr. Rated R - and claimed there were all these signs of Frank's infidelity and she doesn't think he is a good guy or a good match for Ali.

While absentmindedly reading tabloid headlines at the supermarket, I learned about Frank's betrayal and I was appalled. Frank was definitely one of my favorites on the show since the very beginning and I wanted him to go all the way. My diagreement on this issue with my mother really highlights the differences in our view of oter people. I still Frank is a good guy and did what he needed to do, no matter how heartbreaking while mother paints him as a bad guy and is glad he didn't advance further.

It was this Frank Debate that mad me realize how different we really are, and it also helped me understand why she was so adverse to my ex. We had huge fights over his character and my relationship with him - she was dead set against it and thought he was a bad influence and not good enough for me. I acknowledged his flaws bit saw all the good qualities and thought my mother was being extremely unreasonable. The question is, who's right? I tend to see the good in people and downplay the bad and believe that most people are inherently good while my mom tends to rake a more pessimistic view of people and it takes a lot for someone to win her trust. Is she being too severe on people or am I being too idealistic and naive?

What a Wonderful Day for Daydream

Despite the heavy heat, today was a glorious day. Everything made me smile, and I was as giddy as a schoolgirl. From talking to old friends to stealing a boxed lunch from some Jewish camp event at the campus center, I could not wipe the silly grin off my face. After such a hectic weekend, today was just what I needed. I spaced out at work, daydreaming about concerts and cute faces. And even though I was so utterly exhausted, I did some serious working out at the strangely empty gym before hiking to Hannaford's for some much needed food. Dinner was deliciously simple - chicken and cheese ravioli in alfredo sauce. And now I've created this blog! It's the little things in life that I've forgotten to appreciate. This past weekend was such a blur of faces, places and events I barely had time to think. Every night someone was sleeping on my futon - I started to feel like a cheap motel - and work was actually piling up on me at the lab, threatening to drown me in a sea of toxic chemicals. But today reminded me of those small pleasures in life, and how enjoyable they can be. One email, a stolen turkey wrap and easy dinner was all it took to take this day from drab to fabulous.