Lump Sum

There's something oddly exhilarating, relaxing, and refreshing about standing on the roof of a building in the middle of a chilly night. It's like the world is at your feet - in one direction there's the uniform lights of lower campus; in another, the lights of the science complex, and in yet another, the faint skyline of Boston in the distance. It reminded me of sitting up on a dome in Boston during the summer on a similar night. In the cool summer night air, from way up high, the world seemed a little bit perfect. Everything becomes little dots of light, seemingly scattered in a haphazard chaos. But in reality, everything is exactly where it's supposed to be. A sense of calm washes over me, and I can just breathe. There's just something about about being on a roof that makes me smile uncontrollably.

Teenage Dream

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving!

Despite the huge biology report looming over my head, I've actually been able to thoroughly enjoy this holiday. And the two days left make me optimistic I can actually finish my report. Or at least most of it. Luckily, I crammed hardcore the week before and got most of the stuff done for next week, minus my physics lab exam which I have actually completely forgotten about until right now. Oops...anyways, here are some highlights:

- split, peel, peel, peel, BANANA! mad intense bananagrams
- beer pong with tiny solo cups filled with water which somehow got parental approval
- excluding people for have dated an asian, or never dated someone jewish
- chilling at Starbucks, refueling on coffee at 10pm
- mini dance parties in the back seat
- pookiepewptypie - I don't think I'll actually ever get over that
- catching up with old friends the old fashion way - sitting in a car late at night at a random place in Madison
- comparing black out stories
- pumpkin pie, pecan pie, cheese cake, apple pie
- actually good turkey and ham at an asian party - props
- Calcifer surviving his water change
- trying to start a dead car in the cold
- online Black Friday shopping - yay boots!
- lots of noodles and rice
- watching TV shows (namely House, Top Gear and Mad Men) to make my biology writing a little more interesting
- (semi) late night Skype sessions
- sleeping until 1pm on a regular basis

Fallin' For You

Now that the adrenaline that was propelling me through that shit show of an orgo lab exam is wearing off, biomedical ethics has become less interesting that usual. To the point where I'm about to pass out in the middle of this libertarian debate. But it's the end of the week! Thanksgiving! Hooray! I'm almost done, just one late night class to go and I will be home free, literally. I actually can't wait until I go home, I haven't been home is uch a long time, especially with spending the entire summer away from home. I can't wait to see my dog, eat good food, sleep for hours on end, share stories with my friends at the diner, and.....ugh, write my monster of a biology lab report, study for two lab exams, and all the associated assignments for the next week. Really? There goes my vacation. It's not actually going to stop me from savoring every moment. I can't wait until this class ends :)

DJ Got Us Falling In Love

Honestly I don't even know what just happened. My fingers are freezing to the point where typing feels weird and the rate of words has seriously decreased. We tried doing another bonfire and surprise, it didn't work again despite the amount of kindling and newspaper that we found. All I know is that there are people who don't remember the majority of the night, people who are throwing up all over the place, people who are just too fucking drunk, and people who are just too goddamn cold. It's been a really weird night and I'm ready to just sleep it all off. I got lost in the woods, found tree branches by the light of my cell, texted my friend via someone else's phone, walked an insane amount in the cold, tried to warm up a dumb boy who gave his shirt to someone else, tiredly trudged home barely aware of where my feet were, got really surprised by stairs, lost my ability to literally think and recall, and got drunkenly pissed off at people who decided that weed was more important. I don't even know what to think about tonight, it's just been so odd. And people in my suite are still excitedly yelling things and shit. Really, just go to bed,  I need to pass out and forget this ever happened.

Ixtapa

I don't understand how the Biology department hired so many clearly unintelligent faculty members, at least when it comes to teaching. Maybe they're research is amazing or something. In any case, I have a biology professor who cruises through unhelpful powerpoint slides of pictures in the book at lightning speed, only pausing to add the occasional "yeah?" like we're actually understanding what she's saying to give out pop "bonus quizzes" that are actually part of our grade now and are difficult enough that even if you did go to class, you still won't get both questions right. So instead of rewarding the students who come to class, she's really just hurting everyone's grades. And insists that there be recitation on Wednesday when there's no classes and virtually everyone is home. Really? She sped through her lecture today, ending with an extra 20 minutes of class left. WAY TO BUDGET YOUR TIME PROPERLY. And she actually seemed really surprised when she was done too, like oh wow, I'm done? Such an ineffective teacher.

Then there's the bio lab professor who expects us to write a comprehensive lab report on labs 2 through 11. The labs basically go through creating a mutation, generating protein, purifying it and analyzing it to see what the mutation did, if anything. The thing is, lab 11 is the analysis of the aggregation of the protein, basically the entire point of all previous experiments. And the lab report is due before we do lab 11. So....what am I supposed to conclude? That my mutation MIGHT have worked but I don't have any idea whatsoever since we haven't analyzed it?? What kind of planning is that? No really, what am I supposed to be writing about? WAY TO BUDGET YOUR TIME PROPERLY. Honestly. Yet another reason why I hate biology. I might have to reconsider my double major.

The Sparrow and the Medicine

So tired my eyes hurt.

Leftover coffee from my late night/early morning 4:30am studying stint: ineffective. 
The insane pace that my biology professor lectured today to fit in a quiz: irritating.
My attention span at the mo': abysmal.
.....

The amount of studying I have done for my orgo exam: minimal to say the least.
The amount of studying I have yet to do for my orgo exam: an intimidating quantity.

Chinese herbal medicine and Odwalla Strawberry C Monster in an attempt to ward off impending sickness: successful.
The percentage of my thoughts that's consumed with food: terrifying.
Stress level: surprisingly low, though will be expected to exponentially grow with each hour the orgo exam draws closer 

Listening to The Tallest Man on Earth: comforting.
My pet fish: Calcifer.

Horchata

I got a fish. He's a complete spazz and desperately wants to escape, as evidenced by his constant swimming against the tank walls. He's cute in that creepy fish way, and although I have no clue of the actual gender of my fish, it's a he. All fishes are male to me. He has a cute little blue themed tank with multicolored pebbles and a light blue lid, but he doesn't seem to like it. Sadface. He clearly has an avoidant personality as he is terrified of humans and will instantly swim towards the other side of the tank when you place your hand next to the tank. Any loud noises, and you can literally see him jump in the water and run around for a bit. I have a crazy fish. Hopefully he won't give himself a heart attack or injure himself from his unending attack against the tank walls. And one day, he'll have a name. Eventually.

Drops of Jupiter

I'm actually quite enjoying this week. It's a relatively easy week for me, with no exams - a freebie week. But, I'm not spending every night trying to do something I wouldn't normally be able to do, and I'm not trying to pack in as much "fun" as I can into every night. Instead, I've just been going with the flow, doing some work here and there, doing some procrastination here and there, and having the occasional fun activity. And really, I'm enjoying myself much more that I thought I would. Mostly, I'm just not completely, totally and constantly stressed out like I am every other week, and I'm able to do the work at my own pace. Just chillin'. Plus, I really had no expectations for this freebie week. I feel like my last freebie week (my first one) had a lot of expectations bearing it down because I expected to just do crazy stuff and have a good time and not do any work at all, and there was that weight to every night. Now everything's just light and fluffy. I wish every week was like this. But I have a tough weekend/week ahead of me, though my weekend plans don't quite reflect that. There still is a part of me that wants to make the most of this week, this free time, and this general all around good feeling. But I'm learning to just let things go and to take things as they come. It's like that famous philosophical saying - "I think, therefore I am." I think, contemplate and stress out about what I think, say and do. Then, devise a plan and execute. I think I can, I think I can....

Fidelity

The most frustrating problems are those that you know exist, but have absolutely no way of solving them. Most notably, the way my brain is wired. There are things that happen, and I know they happen because of the way I see a certain thing, and the only problem with the situation is purely how I look at it. And I see that it's my perspective that's just fucking shit up, but I have absolutely no power to change it. Because that's the way I think, and have been thinking for my entire life. I can rant about it all I want to my friends, ponder it endlessly night after night, and write about every thought that crosses my mind but in reality none of that will change anything. I recognize what is wrong, but I don't know how to fix it. And it frustrates the hell out of me. How can you just completely change the way you think, or what you care about, or what affects you? It's as much an integral part of me as the black hair on my head or my hatred for chocolate milk. I'm headed down a path of no return with no way out. Am I just destined to be stuck in this pattern forever? It's always the same. I suppose history repeats itself, right?

Up & Down I Go

Why oh why...

....is studying for biology taking so damn long?

....has it suddenly got so cold? Hello November.
....did I ever decide to take three simultaneous science classes with the associated labs?
....is academic orgo lab so stressful yet such a joke? Hate hate hate.
....can't I just study in my own goddamn room?
....has sleeping at 3 am become the norm? Going to bed at 4:30am last night didn't even seem so extreme.
....have I lost my ability to concentrate?

....has everything in my mind just gone to shit lately?

....couldn't there be a single Jewish holiday in October or November? I need a break.
....have I become so distant from my suite? Well, more like when?
....have I been studying for three days straight with barely any breaks with another two days to go?
....was Thursday bio lab next semester already full? I don't want Tuesday lab.
....have I never before discovered the wonders of office hours?
....do I get paranoid about things I don't think I should be, but then become paranoid as to whether I should be or not?
....does everything little thing have such an effect on me?

....does my mind become completely consumed and attached every time? There are priorities, Em. Please get them straight.

....is it only Tuesday?
....?